www.theconnectionsnj.com
Health and Wellness
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908-526-6376
Fax: 908-253-3780
Email: sjfhear4u@optonline.net
Web: www.friedmancounseling.com
Children, Adolescents, Adults, Families,
Workshops, Consultation, Divorce Coaching
Therapy is conducted in a safe, caring
environment by a licensed and
compassionate therapist.
Therapy is an interactive process in which the
therapist helps you identify the self-defeating
beliefs and actions that are getting in the way of
your personal contentment.
•
Set realistic goals based on your needs and
wants.
•
Experiment with your standards for success.
•
Use feelings of anxiety and depression as oppor-
tunities to ask yourself, “Have I set up impossible
expectations for myself in this situation?”
•
Confront the fears behind your perfectionism by
asking yourself, “What am I afraid of? What is the
worst thing that could happen?”
•
Recognize that many positive things can be
learned from making mistakes.
•
Avoid all- or -none thinking.
Change your beliefs
and you
can change
your world!
Susan J. Friedman
,
LCSW, BCD, DVS
Relationship Counselor
NJ License #44SC01374700
CHANGE YOUR BELIEFS AND YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR WORLD!
By: Susan J. Friedman
,
LCSW, BCD, DVS
908-526-6376
“
The simplest things in life are the most
difficult things. Just getting through a
day well is not easy. The most difficult
thing in life, I think, is living. I mean
really living. A lot of the time I’m in the
present, and I am thinking about the
past or scheming about the future and
missing every present moment, instead
of actually partaking of the sacrament
of every present moment.”
–
R.D.
Lang
When clients come to my office in the
midst of a difficult life transition, they
often do not see the choices they can
use to make positive changes in their
lives. They do know that “they are
unhappy with the way things are
going” and “feel like they are stuck in
a very deep, dark hole.” We all get
stuck sometimes, thoughts circle
around and around in our heads and
we are unable to perceive effective
solutions. We feel stuck, frustrated,
angry and disillusioned. As a result, we
might dig an even deeper hole in the
panic of doing something, anything to
stop the pain. I often tell my clients the
first thing you can do for yourself when
you are stuck is to accept that you are
stuck and put the shovel down; in
other words stop digging!
Change is difficult and it is easy to get
discouraged when you try and do not
achieve the outcome you were hoping
for. The truth is that just making the
effort is progress. Change is not an
event with an exact start and stop
point; it’s a process. Each step you
make, even if it’s a relatively small step
such as making the resolution to
change, is still a step in the right direc-
tion, bringing you closer to your ulti-
mate goal.
It’s also important to recognize that
even if you regress it’s not the end of
the world. Research has found that
change rarely occurs in a straightfor-
ward, linear sequence, and when peo-
ple relapse, they usually do not fall all
the way back to where they first began
their journey. If viewed and used
appropriately the faux pas can serve as
learning opportunities, helping you to
become more prepared for the next
phase of your unique trip.
The following are some of the factors
linked with successful change:
•
When the change is self-motivated
•
When the change is rooted in posi-
tive thinking as opposed to guilt,
fear, or regret
•
When the goals are specific (i.e., I
will walk one mile at least four days
each week )
•
When you limit your goals to a man-
ageable number
•
When you develop a practical, realis-
tic plan for accomplishing your goals
(
If you work 100 hours a week, it’s
unlikely that you will have the time
to walk one mile at least four days a
week.)
•
When you incorporate avoidance of
triggers in your action plan
•
When you spend time with others
who are positive role models for the
change you’re trying to make
I have worked with courageous clients
who have undertaken the change
process. It can happen. You need
patience, persistence, and a strong
commitment to improve your life by
making changes for the better. I know
that the journey is difficult and it takes
time to habituate to the positive
changes. I know you will be proud of
your success and so much happier. I
look forward to hearing from you and
helping you identify your strategies for
successful change!
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