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Health and Wellness
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HOW WE MEASURE SELF-WORTH NO ONE GETS A TROPHY FOR “MOST CONSIDERATE” By: Dr. Michael Osit How do you measure your self-worth? Do you perceive yourself as a compe- tent person? Are you successful? We live in a highly competitive society where self-worth is most readily meas- ured by our achievements. Self-esteem and self-worth tend to be highly con- tingent upon the accumulation of accomplishments – observable, measur- able accomplishments. Getting a huge promotion, straight A’s on a report card, scoring 3 goals in a game, and earning first place in a forensics competition are all signs of success and will certainly feed your self-worth and self-esteem. But we are often neglecting what I con- sider to be a lack of acknowledgement of some important personal attributes that can enhance your view of yourself. These attributes are personality charac- teristics and deeds that are not neces- sarily awarded or rewarded with observable recognition. The fact is that we do not give awards for being sensi- tive to others, caring for others, giving of time, paying close attention to oth- ers’ needs, good sportsmanship, and putting forth maximum effort even if the outcome is not the best. Self-esteem is built by receiving the “best actress” Academy Award, the Most Valuable Player in Major League Baseball, Valedictorian of the class, or even getting the game ball for the win- ning hit, or a medal for first place in a 100 meter freestyle swim meet. These are public acknowledgements that vali- date competence and self-worth. But what if you do not excel athletical- ly, academically, or in the creative arts? This can result in having a low opinion of oneself, which is actually quite com- mon. Since what we think and believe about ourselves is the basis for how we feel about ourselves, my therapeutic approach is to challenge my patients’ belief system. Sometimes they have misbeliefs or irrational beliefs about themselves. Other times, people with low self-esteem actually have wonder- ful and valuable strengths that are sim- ply not publically revered. Consequent- ly, these personal characteristics are not identified and do not register into a positive personal schema. In therapy, there are non-specific aspects in the relationship between the therapist and patient that include per- ceived interest, attention, and caring by the therapist. When present, these attributes have been found to be as important in determining a positive therapeutic outcome as the actual ther- apeutic technique used by the thera- pist. It occurs in the sports arena as well. In basketball, assists are as impor- tant as baskets, in baseball, moving the runner over is as important as hitting him in, in football, it is making a great block allowing the running back to score. The work environment is no dif- ferent. An employee that pays attention to details to avoid big mistakes and save company money is as essential as the salesman who makes the huge sale. The receptionist in a law firm that treats each client as special and important does not directly account for the bill- able hours, but does make an impor- tant contribution to the overall experi- ence of the client. The manager who keeps employees happy so that they remain invested, loyal, and productive is as important as the money that group makes for the company. Let’s take a look at yourself and others in your life and acknowledge important traits that really make a difference and impact others in a positive way. Let’s look at effort instead of outcome, the way others are treated instead of how attractive they are, give the game ball to sportsmanship, and the award for “The Most Benevolent.” Taking these traits for granted does not enhance self-esteem and self-worth. Acknowl- edging them places value on them so that you and others can realize how you positively impact others in a way that lasts a lot longer than receiving the award for “Best Salesman of the Year.” Dr. Michael Osit is a Licensed Psycholo- gist practicing in Warren, and author of Generation Text: Raising Well Adjusted Kids In An Age Of Instant Everything (07/08) and The Train Keeps Leaving Without Me: A Guide to Freedom, Self Fulfillment, and Happiness (06/16)