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THE BERNARDS-RIDGE CONNECTION
APRIL/MAY 2016
Making Community “Connections”! @Connectionmag SECOND CHANCES By: Dr. Michael Osit T echnology has incorporated a dimension to our lives that gives us second chances. When a website freezes or goes stale we simply press the refresh button and we have a fresh new, updated website to view. Prior to posting on a social media site we can edit video so that it presents ourselves in the most positive light. Pictures can be touched, cropped, enhanced, and perfected so that we can maximize our visual image. If we post something regrettable on a social media site such as Facebook or Instagram we can immediately remove it, hopefully, before anyone else views it. Before anyone reads them, documents can be effortlessly edited and corrected for misspellings, grammar, sentence structure, and content. We send an email or text and we can reread it or even sit on it for a day or so before we are sure we are expressing exactly what we want to say. Video clips, pictures, social media posts, documents, email, and texting have become a significant part of our social interactions. And all of them enable us to put our best foot forward, or give us a second chance to make sure we are commu- nicating exactly what we want to be expressing. Unfortunately, real life, face-to-face interactions do not give us the sec- ond chance that technology has afforded us. Once we say something it cannot be edited before the other person hears it. How we are dressed, how clean our hair is, a facial blem- ish, and how young we look cannot be changed once we are in a real life social situation. We can’t simply push a button to refresh a stale or stag- nant relationship. Consequently, we need to be extra careful and pensive as we present ourselves in person. The following are suggestions so that you won’t need a second chance. • Be contemplative and planful prior to meeting with someone. Whether it is a business client, a friend, or your significant other, thinking through how you are going to interact with them prior
to seeing them will help you put your best foot forward. Rehears- ing and coaching yourself as to what to say and what not to say will decrease your chances of “putting your foot in your mouth,” and increase the poten- tial of a positive interaction. • As you converse, try to pause for just that split second prior to responding to them. When asked a question that you don’t imme- diately know the answer to, it is perfectly fine to ask “Can I think about that for a second?” It shows that you take their ques- tion seriously and that you are careful and pensive. • Try to be as planful as possible in your life. Proper preparation and planning in your work as well as in your social interactions will decrease the chances that you will make a mistake. Of course, the best laid plans don't always turn out as expected. That is just the way life goes sometimes. • When you make a mistake on a social media post, the faster you remove it the less chance people will see it. Removing it right away is a good damage control strategy. In real life, the same strategy applies. When you make an error, or hurt someone’s feelings, the faster you address it the easier it tends to be to repair the damage. Living with yourself 24/7 you can become immersed in a jaded view of how your life is going. Just as you can refresh your web page you can refresh your life (sort of). Click on the “objectivity” button, step outside of yourself, and examine how you are conducting your life. Make the appropriate adjustments when you get that fresh look at yourself. Dr. Michael Osit is a Licensed Psycholo- gist practicing in Warren, and author of Generation Text: Raising Well Adjusted Kids In An Age Of Instant Everything (07/08) and The Train Keeps Leaving Without Me: A Guide to Freedom, Self Fulfillment, and Happiness (06/16) www.theconnectionsnj.com