Lisa is a Certified Love Attraction™ Coach. She was mentored by Kathryn Alice, author of the bestseller Love Will Find You. Lisa has been actively immersed in Kathryn’s work for the past 5 years. She leads her own Love Attraction Club, a monthly support group conducted via teleconference for those looking for their soulmate. Lisa also leads workshops in topics such as manifesting your soulmate, releasing a person, and spiritual dating. In addition, Lisa has been moderating Kathryn’s Love Will Find You Yahoo group for over two years. She has been a licensed spiritual mind practitioner, and has over 20 years experience facilitating adult learning. Her educational credentials include a B.S. in Business Administration/Marketing from Villanova University as well as several professional certifications in project management and instructional design. A single mom for years, she loves and appreciates all the men in her life, including her 16-year-old son, his father with whom she co-parents, her dad, and her fiancé Michael.
Posted on June 24, 2012
Doesn’t anybody stay in one place anymore? – Carole King, So Far Away
Have you ever seen a flower chasing down a bee or a butterfly, crying come to me or I need you?
That would be a crazy sight.
If you have ever tried to catch a butterfly, you realize that they move before you are able to get near them. The harder you try, the more likely they are to fly farther away.
When you observe butterflies, you will see that they are attracted to specific flowers. Other flowers are more attractive to bees. If you do a little research, you will learn that the flowers that attract butterflies have “landing” petals which are perfectly designed for the butterfly; the butterfly pollinates the flower while attempting to drink its nectar. Both are benefitted. Later, the pollinated plant will produce seeds or fruit that nourish others.
The flower attracts what it needs only by coming into full bloom. Through its preferences, the butterfly finds the flower. The flower appears to just sit there. Yet, there is activity in the flower as well. It is unfolding from seed, to seedling, green shoot, and eventually it has buds and blossoms. Both are most involved in being themselves. They are not trying to attract anyone or anything.
If you research a little more, you will discover that flowers have specific colors, smells or shapes that will only attract a certain type of pollinator, in effect repelling others.
I highly doubt that the flower watches a bee flit by and gets depressed, thinking that that bee was its only chance for pollination.
Yet, time and time again someone will write to me.
Was this the one and I let him/her go? Am I doing something wrong?
Is there really someone for me?
The answer is no to all but the last question.We can see how silly it is when we look at a flower. We have trouble seeing the truth because there is so much in our experience that has told us that we need some fixing up before we can have love. Wrong! You definitely get love without having to jump through hoops for it! And, it comes with lots of bonuses!
Look to nature when you doubt. Think about how silly it would be for anything in nature to be anything but what it is. It does happen though.
My fiancé tells me stories about the animals on his family’s farm when he was younger. They had a pig and a duck that were raised with dogs. Both became convinced that they were dogs and tried to bark. No matter how hard they tried to be a dog, they were second rate dogs. They looked ridiculous trying too.
Can you see how trying to be something or someone that you’re not, could give you and others the impression that there’s something wrong with you?
If you really absorb the example about the flower and the butterfly, the attraction happens NATURALLY. It happens not by trying to attract but by exhibiting healthy self-interest and letting that take you where it will.
Yes, you will have lots and lots of interactions with others but the whole purpose is for you to gain greater clarity about your preferences, talents, interests so that you can be MORE YOU. Then the connections that you make will be authentic, real, and truly intimate. This approach also gives you the experience of all of the qualities that you are expecting to experience in a soulmate relationship before the soulmate shows up.
Attraction is what happens as a result of what you are emitting. A joyful loving individual attracts with ease more happiness, joy, and love. Whereas trying to attract something implies effort and a little bit of manipulation, of yourself and others.
Is this simple? Yes.
Is it easy? Not always. Just as with the pig or duck, some of us have accepted ideas about who we should be, what we should have, how we should feel and are caught up in being someone that we’re not.
How do you know you’re being YOU? How can you be MORE of who YOU are?
- Be interested in your own happiness. You’re being you when you are happy. That’s it. Take stock of those times when you are most happy, enthusiastic, and joyful. During those times, if you find yourself feeling full to overflowing and easily sharing with others, that’s the real you. Every day resolve to put a little more of your attention on happiness. It’s a choice, not an outcome. If you’re worried about being selfish, remember happy people raise others up. Unhappy people are the only ones who hurt others. Probably the only time you’ve been snappy with someone has been when you have felt off-center. Your unhappiness serves no one.
- Free everyone (including you). Free yourself from needing others to please you or for you to please them. Go back to number 1. If we all attended to this, the world would be a better place. Connect only with what you love about them and allow the relationship to reveal itself instead of trying to get what you want from others, especially approval. We most enjoy what is given freely.
- Laugh at yourself. Laughter creates cracks in any resistance we have to allowing love in. Check out your mind and your body, if it feels contracted and there’s frustration, you’re in need of a good laugh. If you cannot laugh at yourself, no worries. Search out what will make you laugh. Eventually you’ll realize that you were being silly to get so caught up in whatever had you upset.
- You can only share what you have. Relationship is about sharing. If you are not with someone right now, now is the time to give what you feel you will have once you’re in a relationship. If intimacy and connection are important, become interested in the people you interact with daily. Make eye contact. Give a hug. If you want children, volunteer to help a child. You will gain so much more on this path to your soulmate than one person to love. Start opening your mind to better than you hoped for or imagined. I’m here to tell you, you will get just that.
- Let go of the association of hard work and pain with relationship. For many this is big and it is the hidden reason why they are not currently in relationship. Many couples unwittingly spread this by saying relationships are hard work. Who would be attracted to that? The more deeply I dive into my practice, the more apparent it is that if anyone is experiencing relationship as hard work it’s because they believe that they or the other person has to change for both of them to be happy. The only change needed is to not depend on the other as your source of happiness. The hard work is not in the relationship, it’s the resistance to self-sourcing our own happiness that creates the tough work in any relationship. This is where your spiritual connection comes in. Many years ago a teacher friend of mine, Dr. Tom Johnson, wrote a book with a title that says it all, You Are Always Your Own Experience.
- Recognize that unavailable people stay attracted to unavailable people.Often a pattern of attracting emotionally unavailable people masks an unwillingness to risk intimacy for fear of loss or pain. If you are with someone who is unavailable you never really get close enough to risk being hurt. As you say no to what you don’t want and open your heart to love and intimacy, you will attract intimacy in every relationship.
- Believe BEFORE you see because you only see what you believe. This is most challenging. It is easy to believe we can have something that we already have in our experience. When it comes to soulmate love, people get very stuck when they do not see their soulmate materialize out of thin air. Everyone who has their soulmate sees that they came together at the perfect time, and in most cases, this was very soon after they became very happy with their life as a single. When you really know that your soulmate is guaranteed, you stop looking for the evidence of it. Instead, you only do what you are truly inspired to do, which could be to simply bloom right where you are. In that moment, love does come knocking at your door. It’s done that for many I’ve known. You are next!
If you’d like to learn how to apply this to your life, join me at my next Love Attraction Club meeting (http://
lisasloveliftoff.com/events/), or schedule a coaching session (http:// lisasloveliftoff.com/coaching/ ) with me. You can also purchase my recording Feel It Before You See It (http://lisasloveliftoff. com/products/)on my products page.