Page 38 - The Connection Warren-Watchung Edition September 2012

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Tie The Knot
Beauty is Skin Deep!
By: Ellyn Mantell
Recently, I was standing in line to purchase some beauty products, when I heard
the adorable young lady standing behind me, muttering about the price of the
beauty products she was holding. I commented that I admired her desire to treat
her skin with such care at a young age, and she explained the products were the
only way she could control her “horrible” skin. She lamented that all of her friends
had gorgeous skin, never having to take care of it, just going to sleep after a late
party without having to wash, etc. and that it was just so unfair. I was taken aback
by her self-described problem-skin, since all I had noticed about her was how very
cute she was. When I told her my reaction, and that I hadn’t noticed what was so
her focus, her perceived imperfection, she was surprised, actually shocked!
Never missing an opportunity to mentor a young woman, solicited or otherwise, I
continued our conversation, giving her one of my most important philoso-
phies…that of recognizing our gifts. I told her that I was quite certain that if I
asked her friends to describe her appearance, they would tell me she has the best
body, with long legs and slim hips. They would comment that her hair is not only
curly and bouncy, but a great color which highlights her blue eyes. And that is just
about her appearance. I also pointed out that her friends would probably lament
the fact that their own appearance is a problem, with hips or waist that are too
large, recalcitrant hair, feet that don’t look great in the newest shoes, ugh, what
else can we lament? I told her that in reality, although she is unhappy about her
skin and assuming everyone else loves theirs, others are looking at her and seeing
their own imperfections. Ah, the human (okay, the woman) condition. We never
seem to miss our (perceived) imperfections.
Behind us, listening to our conversation, was a woman whose age was somewhat
between both the young woman’s and mine. Catching her eye for confirmation, I
suggested that regardless of age, we never seem to appreciate all that we have, all
that we are, and that our appearance seems to be the conduit for all things nega-
tive. So once again, before we parted, I mentioned to my young new friend, how
her take-away from our chance meeting was that she must, must, recognize all of
her positives, and focus less on what she feels is her negative. But I continued to
think about this message we receive from all around us, for a very long time.
What, in fact, do we actually believe? Do we actually believe that “everyone” has
everything we don’t…that there are those who are blessed with nothing but gifts,
making them happier than we? I suppose I have been around long enough to
know that what makes us truly, truly happy is feeling good about ourselves…not
because of how we look, but because we look into others; we feel good about
ourselves not because we see a reflection in the mirror that is attractive, but
because we take a moment to show others that how they feel is of great impor-
tance to us. From whom and where do we get the message that clear skin or long
legs is the key to happiness, trumping the effort that must be put forth to create
a full and whole person?
Yes, I know…the media is to blame. Where else do we hear/see nothing but per-
fection all around the next “superstar du jour?” But I will go one step further, and
say that the media is no more powerful than it has always been, it is just
omnipresent in our lives as never before. It takes an effort on our part to block out
all of the messages we constantly get, the images with which we are constantly
assaulted. But we actually do have a say about what we choose to believe, and
what we choose to invade our psyche. Are we strong enough to recognize and
appreciate the beauty CREATED by professionals, and at the same time, to know
that it is a CREATION. It is not real…but WE are, and we have depth, and strength,
and determination, and we can make contributions to our family, to our commu-
nity and to our world. In reality, the world doesn’t need another beautiful face or
figure, but the world so desperately needs the beauty of a person that says kind
words, does kind deeds, and shares kind thoughts. Yes, my young friend…that is
the kind of beauty that will make your skin glow.
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