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Health and Wellness
PAGE 98
James P. McMenamin, DMD
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FACEBOOK JEALOUSY
By: Dr. Michael Osit
Wake up, take care of bathroom
needs, and check Facebook. We all
know how Facebook has become
part of our daily routine. The name
of the most popular social media
website has even become a verb in
our language. You can now “Face-
book” someone. As much as Face-
book is a conduit to establish and
build relationships, it can also be a
medium that creates a great deal of
jealousy in people.
A study conducted in 2009 indicated
that the more time you spend on
Facebook the more likely you will
experience jealous feelings. Over
75%
of the subjects in the study had
ex-partners as friends, and 90% had
friends they didn’t even know. With
that amount of attention and inter-
est in “friends” outside of your rela-
tionship, it’s no wonder that jealousy
is inevitable.
Some of the jealousy triggers occur
when your partner or friend shows
interest in another Facebook friend,
when someone shows interest in
your partner or friend, or when your
partner interacts with a past boyfriend
or girlfriend. How about when you
see an ambiguous or suggestive pic-
ture of your partner at a bar for an
after-hours meeting during a busi-
ness trip? Or a suggestive picture of
an old high school friend, or worse
yet, an old girlfriend or boyfriend,
posted on your partner’s wall?
Jealousy among friends is also easily
elicited by Facebook. I had a patient
who spent her entire session dis-
cussing how jealous and excluded
she felt when she saw friends post-
ing pictures at parties and social
gatherings she was not invited to.
Jealousy occurs even when a friend is
tagged in a picture in a casual or
informal situation such as at a park
or sitting at the kitchen table. Others
lament about how their best friend
spends more time posting and inter-
acting with other friends.
Some say that Facebook is not the
real culprit here – that it is just a
reflection of the state of relationships
in today’s world. In other words, per-
haps Facebook is just a conduit that
elicits jealousy based on the general
lack of trust and commitment in rela-
tionships. While it is true that when
there is a sense in a relationship that
loyalty and trust is tenuous the result
is a propensity for jealousy, suspicion,
and apprehension. But the fact
remains that Facebook has not
affected the divorce rate, remaining
at about 50%, and infidelity statistics
in marriages have not increased (per
year) with 5% of men cheating and
3%
of women straying in their mar-
riage. Interestingly, the highest inci-
dence of cheating, which reaches
about 50%, is conducted by high
Internet users. These individuals are
most likely to cheat on their partners
and simply find Facebook and other
social media sites as a convenient
and easy vehicle to pursue other rela-
tionships. These individuals are most
likely going to be disloyal whether
they use Facebook or not.
The problem is extended by the fact
that Facebook, although very public
in many ways, can also facilitate pri-
vate connections. People tend to feel
less inhibited and bolder when com-
municating on Facebook, saying and
doing things they would never do in
person. That brings out a whole new
group of individuals who may be
more likely to betray friends and
lovers. It will be interesting to see if
the cheating statistics increase as the
adult population using Facebook
increases.
Jealousy is toxic to a good relation-
ship. Regardless of the level of trust
in your relationship and whether it is
a romantic partner or friendship, you
need to be aware of your posts and
how it will affect the real life people
in your real life.
Dr. Osit is a psychologist and
author of
“
Generation Text: Raising
Well Adjusted Kids In An Age
Of Instant Everything.”
He has
offices in Warren and Morristown.
For questions and comments:
Dr.Michael.Osit@gmail.com.
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(732) 339-8810
Stephen R. Shapiro, M.D.
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Surya P. Irakam, M.D., FACP, FACG
Robert S. Wiesen, M.D.
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