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Maybe I Simply Cannot!
By: Ellyn Mantell
I have a terrible singing voice, always have. But more than one can imagine, I wanted
to sing. This was because my father had a beautiful voice, even sang with a band that
entertained when he was a Marine during World War II. A bomber in the south Pacific,
crouched in the back of the planes for hours on end with other fighters, they returned
to base after a mission, and their “nod to normalcy” or need to “let off steam” was
the instrumentalists jamming one of the big band sounds, my father’s rich voice filling
the deadly air. He even had a stage name…Lee Herman. In his Marine uniform, stand-
ing in front of the microphone, Lee Herman must have been stunning!
As a student at Union High School, I saw an opportunity to garner my father’s admi-
ration, his attention, despite my terrible voice. Mr. Consales, or Mr. C., as he was
known, taught Glee Club, and not so different from the concept of the show GLEE,
he choreographed the songs so that it was not unusual for the female singers to strut
down the aisles in the auditorium, turn to the audience, do a few dance steps, even
blow a kiss at the appropriate moment in a song. What a motivator for me…I was
determined to be a member of 4G, despite, as I have mentioned, my obvious weak-
ness! I pictured my father attending the concerts, sitting on the aisle, awaiting my
entrance, poised to clap as we did our dance/sing combinations. And do you know
what? I did make the chorus, and he did come to the concerts, and he did, in fact,
arrive earlier than anyone else, and he did sit right on the aisle, and he did clap and
shout and whistle louder than anyone else there…and I know this is true, because how
else could I explain my thumping heartbeat…the pride I felt at being able to make the
club, to see my father’s joy at our performance?
How, you must be asking, did I accomplish that? I remember standing in front of the
mirror practicing my smile and hitting the high notes over and over again, my deter-
mination in overdrive. And although I am not certain, I believe my enthusiasm, my will-
ingness to basically mouth the words (not my usual posture, since I like to be heard!)
and to be the soprano we needed, rather than the alto I am…well, I must have shown
Mr. C. that I was worthy of being accepted in 4G (I still wonder if he had a bad cold
and his ears were stuffed the day of the audition.) Nothing else really mattered for me
that year…I was a performer, even if I barely sang, and my father was glowing. I had
told myself I CAN, and so I did.
I thought of this recently because there is an expression used widely for various appli-
cations: “Change Your Words, Change Your World.” The expression is wonderful, fill-
ing me with incredible images of attaching together phonemes like the paper chains of
childhood. These chains are inspirational, guaranteeing the probability that we can
attain all we desire, the operative word being CAN. What motivation! In reality, like
becoming a soprano, I always believe I CAN. After all, I am a Baby Boomer, and our gen-
eration knew it would change the world! But it is more than that for me. Determination
is my backbone…I simply hate to give up…on issues, on goals, on people.
By the way, in case you are under the impression that I tell you this because I feel proud
of my CAN do attitude, let me say…NO! I tell you this because it has taken me decades
to realize that, in fact, my belief that I CAN has caused me numerous painful moments
when I CANNOT prevail. There are countless obstacles to succeeding, and many times
the obstacle is simply my inability to absorb the difference in what others may think
and feel, especially when I so clearly see what I think will make them feel better. Like
the blinders on a horse running his race, sometimes my blinders preclude acknowl-
edging the reality that always seems to shock me, no matter how many times I have
experienced it before. And there it is…my need to CAN often comes in conflict with
another’s needs or right to their own CAN.
So how, then, do we determine the difference between pushing for what we feel is
right, and acknowledging the reality that pushing ISN’T our right? Obviously I learned
at a very young age that tenacity was an admirable trait, and that it was incumbent
upon me to propel forward. What I wish I had learned at the same time was that there
are times when it is just as important to let go, to say “I am done, I can do no more,”
and to accept that others don’t agree, or are unable to change their path, and to know
that what you are able to do, is the best you CAN do. I may not internalize that
yet…but I am working on it!
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