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www.theconnectionsnj.com
Spotlight on
“
SeniorS”
SENIOR
ASSISTANTS
Carol Cozewith (908) 313-6555
Ellyn Mantell (908) 883-0469
ellynmantell@aol.com
CoordinatingYour
MOVE to Senior
Living with Ease
&
Style
TRANSITION COORDINATORS
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275
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Although the Pledge of Allegiance states,
“
with justice for all” I believe there should be
mention of
DIGNITY,
because as one ages, the
need for
dignity
grows, and the amount
shown our elderly clearly declines. This dispari-
ty is very upsetting, and because of that, I want
to share with you some of the things I have
learned over these past months. Our family
moved my darling father-in-law, Murray, into a
facility that cares for people who are “memo-
ry-impaired.” We have had to accept that with
dementia/Alzheimer’s, Dad needs to be in a
skilled nursing environment where his worsen-
ing symptoms can be handled. We, his loving
family, face layer after layer of sadness, bewil-
derment and acceptance of the decline of a
not-that-long-ago vital man.
So with this in mind, you can imagine my
positive feelings at the opportunity for my
design partner, Carol and I to participate in the
move of a client’s mother to an Assisted Living
facility. You see, an Assisted Living facility can
be wonderful…a new life at a time when so
much may have been lost or taken from a per-
son. These are people sharing their lives with
others at the same point…hence, activities and
meals with company, relationships to be made,
younger people to visit and socialize, responsi-
bilities lessened…a reaching out to what will
lift the spirit and with that, the self-esteem, or
more to the point, with
dignity
for all!
Carol and I did our homework even before
we went to see the new facility, brainstorming
about what is necessary to create an inviting
atmosphere. We then measured out the space,
adding important information to the floor plan.
More than just measuring the floor, we were
already plotting where furniture, etc. would be
placed, how we could best arrange things with
comfort and safety in mind. We then went to
the home from which our client was moving,
and there is where the most important part of
our work took place.
Walking in the door, we saw the anxiety on
the face of a woman who now became “our
new mother” and we wanted her to feel at
ease, not scared. Besides telling her all we liked
about her new home, we told her how impor-
tant it is for us to take to this home that which
is most special to her, and that we would treas-
ure her treasures. She has acquired a lifetime of
memories, and that is what we wanted to cap-
ture, either materially or with photos filled with
spirits of those in her life. I suppose this “bond-
ing” time could have been the most challeng-
ing, but we fell in love with each other, and she
knew we would be certain her feelings and
desires were considered and valued.
Once we determined what would or
would not be taken to the new home, Carol
did the floor plan and everything fell into
place. We shopped for what was necessary to
work in this new “pared down” lifestyle, but
had it foremost in our minds that her home
reflects her favorite colors and styles. Carol
and I were ready for the big move, knowing
that by the end of the day, “our new Mother”
would walk into her home with nothing to do
but fall in love with her surroundings. And
that is what happened…I believe she would
say it was not the nightmare she feared, but a
dream come true.
I tell you this story because there are some
very important precepts to be respected, and
as the baby-boomers age, and their parents
need attention, there will be many times when
we may forget who this remarkable generation
is, and why we must treat them with respect,
and dignity. They are the generation who liter-
ally built our country…nothing was too diffi-
cult because their determination propelled
them forward. We must tell our children the
importance of their ancestors, so they can tell
their children the history of their family and
their place in society. And we must insure their
living environment speaks to this love and
respect.
In addition to treating the elderly with
respect, remember that what may seem unim-
portant or trivial to us, may be extremely
important to them…a coaster that reminds
one of a great time in Atlantic City, a statue of
a figure seen in a museum in Italy. If those
items help to remind one of a time of life, then
do whatever possible to keep it front and cen-
ter, another way to not rob one of dignity, and
to show our beloved elders our adoration, as
we value what they value.
None of us can turn back the hands of the
clock, or change what the aging process does
to us, but we must show those we love that
they are still the matriarch/patriarch of the fam-
ily, the keeper of the memories, regardless of
where they live. We must do everything we can
to help make their transition to their new home
one of care and concern for their individuality,
because we know…they would do the very
same for us!
…
AND WITH DIGNITY FOR ALL!
By: Ellyn Mantell