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As you well know, what draws
people together is frequently their
same stage of life, what they are sim-
ilarly experiencing. My friends and I
are traveling the road we knew
would be a difficult one, and it
proves to be as difficult as we antici-
pated! We have so much love and
concern for our aging parents; we
respect their independence, their
agility, but also recognize their fragili-
ty, so at the same time that we must
be mindful of what is coming, we
treasure what has come before, and
who our loved ones were at the
many times of their lives. I suppose
what we attempt to capture is the
very essence of the person we call
Mom, Dad, Grandma, Papa.
My lovely friend, Audrey, shared
something with me, something very
special, most beautiful, and I want to
share it with you. Her sweet, smart,
social and devoted mother, her dar-
ling, caring, nurturing and ill with
Alzheimer’s mother, is entering a
facility where she is not known. She is
at that stage of the disease where her
past is locked inside of her and since
she cannot tell the people, those very
people who are now entrusted with
her care, who she was before she
became ill, Audrey has devised a way
for her life to be known. And I love
this idea, want to send it to everyone
in this situation, and want it done for
me, when the time comes when I can
no longer speak for myself! Audrey is
sharing the essence of her mother in
a story she has written about
Estelle…the Estelle she wants cared
and respected…as she deserves to
be. Audrey wants those new to her
life to have a glimpse into her loves,
her passions, her heart!
Some background for you to
know…Estelle and her husband raised
two very accomplished daughters,
Estelle is a grandmother and a great
grandmother. She had a career, she
had friends, she was part of communi-
ties and even from the earliest days
that Alzheimer’s began to rob her of
herself, she still knew to offer her
charming smile to everyone in her
midst. I have adored Audrey since we
raised our children together, and
coincidentally, my daughter and her
daughter-in-law have a wonderful
friendship, as do our grandchildren.
Throughout the many years we have
known together, I have only heard the
warmest, most loving things said about
Estelle. What would I have expected?
But it is one thing for me to tell
you about Estelle, and truly another
to read a story about the very
essence of her. Although I haven’t
read the pages, I assume they will say
that she has a family that will be
present as she enters this new life; I
assume it will speak of her loving
qualities and how she has depended
upon them as she did the many tasks
one does as they build a life; I assume
it will talk of her husband she loved
and lost; I assume it will refer to the
activities that brought her joy, and
the joy she brought to others; but
most of all, I assume it will say…the
essence of this woman is that she is
very, very special to many, and that is
the most important that can be said
of any of us!
SHARING THE ESSENCE OF A WOMAN
By: Ellyn Mantell
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