www.theconnectionsnj.com
Health and Wellness
PAGE 102
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Individual & Couples Counseling
•
Groups for Men, Women & Couples
•
Communication and Conflict Resolution Skills
•
Explore New Ways of Being Together in Partnership
•
Rediscover & Renew Your Commitment to Each Other
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Addiction & Recovery Counseling
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Rediscover the Joy & Spiritual Potential of Your Relationship
908-755-3203
email:
couplescounselingcenter@gmail.com
website:
couplescounseling-nj.com
Watchung, NJ
Susan & Bill Schoonover
Annual Couples Workshop Oct. 12 & 13, 2013
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S
OMERSET
S
URGICAL
A
SSOCIATES
,
L
.
L
.
C
.
30
Rehill Ave., Suite 3400, Somerville, NJ
Obi J Imegwu, MD, FACS
www.somersetsurgicalassociates.com
This wonderful p
o
em really brings to
mind how easy it is to be influenced by
our daily
s
tresses and our thoughts that
would be too much for our partner.
When we allow ourselves to get over
absorbed in our personal existence, it is
easy to lose touch with those closest to
us and the importance of
b
eing open
with each other. We tend to think, that if
we share our difficulties, we become a
burden to our partner. We fail to realize
by not sharing, we create separation
from our partner. We can also become
over reactive and create an even bigger
disconnect. Enough of this and problem
solving, getting close or being intimate
becomes almost impossible.
I can remember coming home being
so preoccupied with my day that I hardly
kn
e
w Suzy was there. I was totally
unaware of her day. She had shopped,
taken care of her mother, prepared din-
ner and a few dozen other things. I was
absorbed in my obligations of cutting the
lawn, taking care of the pool and the
dogs. Then going for a run or fishing. I
really had the expectation that Suzy
knew all this. After all she was a mind
reader. We were not aware, that after a
busy day, t
h
e importance of reconnecting
in a caring way. We would be polite and
failed to share what we wa
n
ted from
each other. When we did not g
e
t what
was needed, we would get moody and
avoid any important issues in fear of
arguing. When this type of rupture occurs,
it can be very difficult to reconnect.
A quote that I cannot remember the
source of “You can tell a lot about a man
by looking at the face of his wife.” This is
also true about a woman. Looking into
each other’s eyes will reveal a lot.
Learning to share our challenges and dif-
ficulties with each other can create safe-
ty in the relationship. You must be dili-
gent and sometimes courageous to make
true changes and push through the
resistance to being more open and to
make possible the discovery of the true
meaning of your relationship. Having a
more effective style of communicating
can bring validation and understanding
of our partner's needs. This is an
extremely important shift from making
o
u
r partner aware of our needs.
Becoming aware of each other's needs
creates safety and opens the door to see-
ing the true gifts you have to offer and
receive.
The ability to express your thoughts
and feelings openly and honestly allows
for deep connection. Verbal appreciation
builds the sense of value which grows to
a feeling of being cherished. Having
more gratitude and joy in your relation-
ship helps to feeling free to request from
each other your deepest wants and
desires. With this freedom, we have
more energy, we are more effective at
work and play, we are moving towards
fulfilling our potential. We often find that
it is easier to give and receive. These
thoughts are about Love as a conscious
choice. Our invitation is to choose love,
choose it right now. Give yourselves the
gifts of connection and a positive direc-
tion for your relationship.
We are very grateful to share some of
our thoughts and ideas with you. Having
been fortuna
t
e to find the resources
needed for our healing process, we sin-
cerely hope that you find yours.
Everything you need is within your reach.
By: Susan and Bill Schoon
o
ver
He came home after a bad day at
the office needing support, a hot
cup of tea and reassurance but he
did not tell her.
She also had a tough day and
needed to talk, a back rub and
some companionship but she did
not say that
So instead they had a fight.
–
Natasha Josefwitz
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