PAGE 84
THE BERNARDS-RIDGE CONNECTION
SEPTEMBER 2013
GOOD PARENTING: DO AS I DO
(
SOMETIMES)
By: Dr. Michael Osit
The adage, “practice what you
preach” applies to parenting in a
very meaningful way. Children copy
and mimic their parents’ manner-
isms, attitudes, and behavior. Even
the most oppositional child has the
parents’ imprint, whether they con-
sciously imitate them or not. This fact
holds parents to the highest standard
possible in terms of how they model
and conduct their lives. Children are
always watching and learning,
actively and passively. As a parent,
you are called to task to observe and
regulate your own behavior so that
your children emulate the values,
attitudes, and social behavior you are
attempting to teach.
Oftentimes, parents model inappro-
priate behaviors without realizing it.
For example, I was once sitting at my
computer, writing a journal article,
and my son, who was 7 years old at
the time, approached me with a
question. I didn’t look up, just con-
tinued typing, and responded to his
question. So, it was no surprise that
a few years later, when I approached
him with a question while he was
playing a video game, that he didn’t
miss a beat, had no eye contact with
me, continued playing his game and
answered my question. Parental
modeling can be subtle and it can be
overt. I was once approaching the
entrance to a department store and
encountered a mother and her two
daughters. The older daughter light-
ly hit her younger sister on the back.
Her mother promptly gave her a slap
on her rear end stating, “We don’t
hit in this family!” We don’t?
Here are some questions for you to
mull over and consider, as a start to
help you evaluate the type of modeling
you are exhibiting for your children.
•
Do you buy an “R” rated movie
ticket for your 14 or 15 year old and
her friends, enter the theatre and
then leave to pick them up later?
•
Do you text while driving?
•
Do you talk on your cell phone
while driving without a handsfree
or Bluetooth?
•
Do you use inappropriate language?
•
Do you keep the money if a
cashier gives you too much
change back?
•
Do you provide and/or allow
underage drinking in your home?
•
Do you treat people that serve
you, such as waiters and cashiers,
with respect and kindness?
•
Do you go out to dinner with your
family, have a drink or two and
then drive them home, even if you
are legally under the limit?
•
Do you present a positive work
ethic regarding employment and
household tasks?
•
Do you treat your parenting part-
ner, whether you are married or
divorced, in a way that you want
your children to treat their partner?
The questions are endless. Perhaps
you should ask yourself additional
questions as a way to gauge how
you are modeling for your children.
If you are guilty of any of the above,
you are sending the wrong message
to your children about societal rules,
laws, and how to treat others. You
need to set a tone – a standard of
acceptability and appropriateness –
so that you are directly and indirectly
teaching your children the values,
attitudes, and social behaviors that
you believe are necessary for them to
emerge into happy, mentally healthy
adults. Perhaps there should be an
“
App” to set an alert off when we
deviate from our own code of
parental modeling.
Dr. Osit is a psychologist and author
of
“
Generation Text: Raising Well
Adjusted Kids In An Age Of Instant
Everything.”
He has offices in War-
ren and Morristown. For questions
and comments: Dr.Michael.Osit@
Gmail.Com.
Mon-Fri 11am-6pm; Sat 10am-4pm; Closed Sunday
908.722.4788
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