Dating Abun-Dance – Get Your But(s) Moving for You
by Lisa Caroselli
Pee Wee: Simone, this is your dream. You have to follow it.
Simone: I know you’re right, Pee-wee, but…
Pee-wee: But what? Everyone I know has a big “But…” C’mon, Simone, let’s talk about *your* big “But”.
Did you know that anything prior to the word “but” in a sentence is negated by whatever comes after it? No matter what you think of Pee-wee Herman’s comedy style, he was right in saying that everyone has a big “but” when it comes to their hopes and dreams.
Having a big but or two need not keep you back. Excuses can be a help instead of a hindrance.
I’m a big fan of using our obstacles as guiDance. Yes, I’m emphasizing the word dance in guidance. Why? Whenever you move forward in life, you are never alone. You are in partnership with your inner knower. It requires that we relax, connect, trust, and follow our inner lead. That, my friends, is a dance.
The dance analogy turns resistance or blocks into something more beautiful than simply advancing in a straight line towards a goal. Imagine two people dancing. The leader holds their hand up to stop their partner, changes their direction and spins them beautifully. No one is upset that something changed. The surprise is a joy to behold.
GuiDance is better than real dance because your lead is within you.
This willingness to use our “buts” as a prompt to change direction will usher us more quickly into mating dance called dating. Even your “buts” about dating itself need not hold you back. You get to re-work your whole idea of dating too.
Below are a few excuses (or buts) for not dating or having love in your life. But I
- am too old, fat, thin
- have not dated in years
- have no time to date
- am too messed up
- am too independent; relationships are stifling
- only attract unavailable people
Not one of the examples above is a barrier to love. Find even one person with that quality who has found love, and the statement is false. Even if you cannot, you may just be the first.
To move past our “buts,” we need to see them as a signal to change the direction of our thoughts.
The “buts” that are flaws may be what attracts love to you. If your flaws were the reason for rejection, realize that they kept you from becoming more involved with the wrong person. This includes all your quirks! Shocking as it may seem, many who are now with their mate have been healed in this area in the most amazing way: their love adores this trait or is unaffected by it. Example: Lily’s ex-loves were drawn to her for her passion but rejected her need to communicate frequently. Imagine her shock when her soulmate told her that he loved and was drawn to these qualities. Years later, he calls her daily and sends love texts. They’re engaged to be married and she couldn’t be happier.
Some “buts” keep you in a relationship that is not soulmate quality. People often tell me that they know someone is not good for them but they stay because this is the best that they can expect. When you sell yourself short, you are blocking love. Every person who has released this type of relationship demonstrates a love beyond their dreams.
Your “buts” are not as big or difficult as you think they are. Many excuses revolve around dating prospects, experiences, pressures, etc. If this is you, relax your idea of dating so that you can let your down your guard a bit. Dating is any encounter where you explore the connection. More love stories come from so-called chance or informal encounters than through formal dates. You may be dating now.
Dating, as with dancing, becomes more fun when you go with the flow. If your “buts” become your guide to turn-around your perspective, you will have an abundance of dating prospects.
I am offering a Spiritual Dating workshop at the Center for Relaxation & Healing at Plainsboro, NJ on Sunday February 17th. To register, contact Michele at 609-750-7432 or view the workshop description at http://relaxationandhealing.com/index.php/events-calendar/february/item/271-spiritual-dating.
You can also join my monthly support group, the Love Attraction Club, at www.LisasLoveLiftoff.com/events. The next meeting is Wednesday, February 13th.